There is more to home decorating than picking the colour.

Experienced decorators will tell you that decorating is all about the preparation. They are right. Like so many instances in life, the devil’s in the detail, but this particular detail devil drives me mad.

Decorating is one of those jobs that no one relishes, but has to be done. Not only is it time-consuming, disruptive and messy, but it is about as interesting as watching paint dry.

 

home decorating and small print photo

 

Colour chart.

When Rachel and I decided to decorate, we donned our old clothes, covered everything with dust sheets and switched on the radio. That was the big mistake.

It’s not the radio itself that is the problem. If you intend locking yourself in a room and depriving yourself of life for a while, a friendly voice and some cheerful music might be what you need to help you through the task. The problem comes if you spend any longer than about three minutes doing it. Unfortunately, there are few decorating jobs that can be completed in three minutes.

Paint pot and brush

Pop chart.

Radio can be monotonous enough at the best of times, especially when tuned to a station that has only six songs on an endless loop. To make matters worse, if the songs are interspersed with adverts, then the radio is soon likely to be launched from an upstairs window.

I love adverts. I always have. The Smash aliens, Leonard Rossiter spilling his Cinzano and the Woolworths’ Christmas ads of the seventies all have a special place in my heart. But, these are all tv ads.

Radio ads are rarely blessed with such creativity and imagination and will invariably take one of three forms.

Radio

 

  1. THE REALLY LOUD WHISPER THAT ATTEMPTS TO MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING LET INTO A SECRET, BUT SOUNDS MORE AS IF IT WAS WRITTEN IN A TEXT SENT BY YOUR MUM.
  2. A phoney interview with happy customers telling you how the window fitters were very friendly and didn’t make any mess and culminating in a poor rendition of ‘Simply the best, better than all the rest’.
  3. The small print. This is the satanic scourge of all radio adverts and is the one to most likely to have me dropkicking the radio like a rugby ball into the next street.

Small print.

If there are terms and conditions that apply to the product on offer, one might assume that saying ‘Conditions apply’ would be adequate. But no. It is deemed essential to blurt out the entire contract in an incomprehensible spray of audible diarrhoea.

Megaphone

Imagine the scenario. You are in a showroom buying a car, applying for a loan or taking out a large investment. After pointing out the merits of this particular product the sales rep takes a deep breath and intentionally sneezes in your face. Or he might as well have. He actually says…

“ConditionsapplymustbeovereighteenofferappliestohomeownersonlyyourhomeisatriskifyoudonotkeepuprepaymentsmileagerestrictionsapplytenthousandmilesorthreeyearwarranteesubjecttoadditionalfeeareyoukeepingupdidyougetanyofthatextortionateinterestratesmaybesneakedinatourdiscretionyoumayspendafortuneandgetfuckallbackIreallyreallyreallywannaziggyzigaah!”

You would assume he was mental and the company was a sham. At the very least you would call for the manager and demand an explanation. More likely, you would just leave as rapidly as possible.

If advertising regulation insists that the small print must be declared up-front, it should also be insisted that it is presented at the same word rate as the advert. The choice is simple. Make the entire advert at one speed. Fast or slow, the choice is yours. If you think that a rant of garbled bollocks doesn’t get your company message across clearly enough, then it is equally inappropriate to think it is a suitable method to deliver legal and contractual information to your customer.

 

#InteriorDesign can be less #HomeDecorating & more #Rugby. Click To Tweet

 

There are many reasons why homes don’t get decorated as often as they should, but the fear of being subjected to radio advertising must be one of the most legitimate.

Experienced decorators will always tell you that decorating is all about the preparation. They are right. It is all about choosing a radio station that doesn’t tell you the small print.

Why home decorating makes me angry. was last modified: October 4th, 2015 by Rheddington