Space, the final frontier?

How big is the universe?

It is a scientific fact that the universe is great. We know this because Brian Cox tells us whenever he gets in front of a television camera. We also know it is big. Carl Sagan said so. If you have ever watched the iconic TV series ‘Cosmos’ you will recall his phrase “The Cosmos is all that is or was or ever will be.” You are probably even reading it in his distinctive voice. But, since the dawn of thinking there has been much debate about just how big it is.
Even Einstein had trouble getting his head around it, and although his theories of space, time and relativity were total genius he realised that there wasn’t quite enough of it to make the equations add up. Theories abound about the unknown stuff that causes the shortfall, and the current trend is to blame anything dark. Dark matter and dark energy are the common culprits, but so far, it is accepted that dark chocolate has nothing to do with it.

Search for a bigger universe

But, a new theory has been proposed, and it comes closest yet to proving that the universe is not quite as big as it should be. It has nothing to do with dark matter or miscalculations made by Einstein about the universal constant. Scientifically speaking, the universe is too small by the amount known as Hed-space. This is not to be confused with headspace, because that is something to do with meditation, peace and mindfulness. Hed-space is to do with getting in my way and annoying me.
As Carl Sagan explained, we are all created from the dust of the stars, but it appears that some people are not content with their own dust they want to use some of mine.

Space, the final frontier? No, the last straw

What more proof do you need?

Car-space

Occasionally, on a lovely sunny Saturday, and especially if it is an odd numbered year, I may decide it is time to clean the car. After spending much of the afternoon washing, vacuuming and polishing, I am rewarded with a lovely sparkly vehicle. It is usually at that point that Rachel suggests we take the compost heap to the dump. It happens every time. Weeks can go by with the car full of dust and dirt, but as soon as I clean it there will inevitably be a boot full of bric-a-brac or an old cow carcass that needs transporting.

Shed-space

A similar situation happens with the shed. There is only so long that I can tolerate struggling to reach (or even find) anything in it and eventually the time comes for a good sort out. After several hours of rummaging and therapeutic discarding I would have freed up some much needed space and I can again locate the saw I wanted last week or the secateurs that went missing in the spring. But, before I am able to breath a sigh of satisfaction and lock the door on my newly tidied domain the universal law of Hed-space denotes that something else needs to fill it. Suddenly, it is home for two extra mowers, the kid’s bikes and several pieces of old furniture too good to throw away but too shit to keep in the house. At a speed exceeding that of the expansion of the universe after the big bang, all the room so recently made available to me has been taken up and I am back to being unable to get to anything.

Cat-space

Even cats know of the universal law of Hed-space. I only need to put down a paper, a jumper or a cardboard box for a matter of milliseconds before a cat will instantaneously appear and sit on it. I am sure that cats can teleport themselves from place to place, but maybe that is for another blog.

Hed-space

And so it goes on. Everywhere I try to make some space someone, or something immediately fills it. Hed-space, the universal constant that proves the universe is too small.

The next time you look into a clear night sky and marvel at its vastness, try to remember that if just one of those stars was to move just a fraction to the left, I might be able to get into my shed.

 

Am I alone or is this a universal problem. Who are your space invaders?